Goodbye

I never learn. No matter how many times I get by heart broken, I still give everything and anything into a relationship. I gave my all to you Love. I already pictured myself spending the rest of my life with you. It breaks my heart to think that I will never see that dream become a reality.

I’m tired Love, I’m tired. I learned that no matter how great your love is for a person, your heart quits when it becomes tired. Some people may think that if you become tired, that means you did not love the other person enough. Maybe. Maybe not. I know that my heart still yearns for you. But it feels like no matter how hard you try, your heart knows that this is it: I cannot give no more. It is like trying to hold your breath so that you can still feel the calmness and peace of being underwater but your lungs yearn for air, and no matter what you do, you body will try to breath even if it will mean the death of you.

I feel no regret for I have given my all. I do not look at what happened as a waste of time for I have learned a lot. I have learned up to what extent my patience can be tested. I learned that loving with all your heart is not enough. I learned that loving and sacrificing do not always go hand in hand.

I deserve better you said. You are right. I know how to love and I deserve to be loved in return. I wish the same for you. 

I promise

·                  I will kiss you everyday before I go to work.
·      I will kiss you before I go to sleep.
·      I will kiss you even if you are asleep but will make sure not to wake you up because I know it’s hard for you to fall back to it.
·      I will try to learn to be good in cooking so that you have something to look forward to when you get home.
·      I will do my best to keep the place tidy.
·      I will not get drunk when I’m with you so I can still walk you home.
·      I will make you feel missed and loved.
·      I will try not to do things that will make you sad.
·      I will send you flowers even if there is no occasion just to make you think of me.
·      I will try not to smell too stinky.
·      I will work out to stay healthy.
·      I will laugh at your corniest jokes.
·      I will try to be home as soon as I can.
·      Or I will make sure to always let you know where I am.
·      To greet you on the midnight of your birthday.
·      I will hug you all the time.
·      And discover new things to make your worse day fine.
·      Remind you how beautiful you are.
·      Of how I love staring at your face.
·      Of how your smile relieves all the stress of the day.
·      I will light candles and put some slow music on when you are tired.
·      To try and learn Thai massage.
·      To iron the shirt you will use the next morning.
·      And cook breakfast that should keep you going.
·      That we will visit your folks as much as we can
·      To not argue with you when you are mad.
·      To include you in my prayers and wishes.
·      To give you space when you need one.
·      To be goofy when you need a laugh.
·      I will give you all the pillows on the bed when you are sore.
·      To remind you of all the things in you I adore.

Love letter

I love you. I don’t know how I learned to love you in a short span of time. I pray for you, I think about you all the time. I would want you to be safe and happy at all times. Today I dreamt that I was telling my mother that I am in a relationship with a woman, and she was mildly upset but still accepted me. I want you to know that I am willing to do that should the need arises. I cannot promise that you will never be upset with me or there will never be a time you would want to leave me. But I promise you that at the end of the day, you can rely on the fact that my love for you is real. You can count on me to look after you and treat you as my better half.

But then again, if you are not ready for my love, if you think that we are going too fast and this is just not right, I can let you be. Hard as it may seem, I am in no position to force you into something where you’d feel trapped. If I do not make you feel happy and loved, then I will set you free so that you can find that person that will make you feel the kind of love I feel for you now. That person that makes you thank God for still waking you up so you could still stare at her face. That person that makes your day with a single smile and can also ruin the same with a simple frown. That person that makes you see things differently. That one that makes you ask yourself what good have you done to deserve someone like her. You are that person to me Mel and I wish for you to stay that way. It’s all up to you now. Ball is on you court.

Yant Ha Taew

This is my next project. Of course I got the idea from my idol A.Jolie.  According to the http://sak-yant.com/?page_id=409, this is what it meant:

The first row prevents punishment in court cases, and cleans and protects your abode. Second line reverses bad horoscope constellations and bad Karma, third row protects against black magic and curses – fourth line is for luck and fortune, and success in one’s projects – fifth and last row is an attraction charm to make you attractive lovable, and also boosts the luck and fortune already laid out in the 4th row kata, and prevents curses as in the 3rd row kata.


Simply put:
1) Improve fortune for both home and working environment
2) Change bad luck to good luck
3) Protection from evil 
4) Improves ones destiny and fate.
5) Improves ones charm and popularity on a personal level.


Problem is, I do not know where to put it.. :)

Me and my big mouth

I was having a conversation with colleagues last night about tattoos. I suddenly blurted that I have not seen a red tattoo that I liked. One TL goes, "Yung sakin?!" And before I could stop myself, I blurted, "I don't like it!" and he was like "F#@k you!" Dude, I won't say I like it just to please you. And just because I don't like it, doesn't mean it is horrible (although I think it is). Tattoos are permanent so think before putting one. I have my share of tattoos I would want to be removed but what the heck, mine has my name on it for crying outloud! So please, it's nothing personal.

old posts

i feel relieved 'coz i was able to retrieve my old blogs and deided to post it here. It wass funny looking back and reminsicing at the days that were. Now, I find less and less time to write, to think that this was one of my most favorite thing to do back then. I just hope that looking at my previous posts would somehow encourage me to write again. I hope it will again light up the fire that died away.

Galera experience

After nearly three years, I still shiver a little whenever I see great waves. I used to love the sea and adore the fascinating creatures in it. I even had swimming lessons and got little bronze medal for doing good. But everything changed that day I almost died somewhere at Batangas Sea. A friend asked me to write about the experience but Inever found the time to do so. Or maybe, subconsciously, I just don't want to remember it.

It was the morning of December 11, and the sun is up after raining for two days. We decided to go home since the sky is clear. There is only one trip left back to Batangas since the waves are a little too strong for a sunny afternoon. Unlike what the news claims, I don't think the boat was overloaded. About 30 minutes from Galera, I started to feel the bamboo katig starting to crack. The first one to completely break was the one on my side. That was the time I felt fear. After a couple more big waves, the left katig gave up and the boat lost its support. The waves are so high that the the manong decided to completely stop the engine and instructed us to get a life vest stored in the compartments above our heads. By this time, we are in the middle of nowhere, about an hour from Galera, and land is nowhere to be found. When the water started to come in, I quicly grabbed my phone with one bar of signal strength left, and called my Mom. My words were "Nay, lumulubog bangka namin. Pagpray mo kami." (These words almost killed my Mom. Sorry Nay!) I shut the phone, threw it inside my big Mickey Mouse bag, then jumped to the water after the manong said "Talon na po kayo. Lulubog na po tayo."

I remember wearing a watch I bought at tiangge that didn't stop until we reach land. That is why I know that we were in the water for nealy five hours. I later heard that the Batangas sea is shark infested. Well, the gas from the boat spilled, and that may have masked our 'scent'. One thing I will never forget was how tall the waves are. Imagine this: I stand five feet, five inches. I was wearing a vest to keep me afloat. I was clinging to this broken bamboo katig to avoid being washed out. Whenever a wave comes in, I would cling hard to the bamboo, and the wave would completely submerge and even go above me, leaving me with arms outstreched. It was taller than me. I cannot describe the fear that sets on me whenver I know that a wave is about to hit us. I didn't know if I can still hold on to the bamboo when my arms are tired. I was thinking if my friends can hold on and not be swept by the big waves. And as time passed, the waves became bigger and came in one after the other. It was scary.

It took two years before I started going to beaches again. But even then, I still cannot go further once the water starts to go over my shoulders. I cannot step into the water without the fear that something underneath may bite my leg. I go to the beach now to enjoy the sunset and sunrise, and my friends' company. I do not know if I can ever enjoy the open sea as much as I enjoyed it before.